Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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