found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
