Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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