hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I cockslap morals
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
