I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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