How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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