you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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