how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
pray to the hookup gods
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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