Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
