the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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