Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
