Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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