The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to fling myself into the sun
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
