I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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