9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
