ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
