when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
jump out the window naked night went bad
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