I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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