then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
