I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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