i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You need Xanax blowdarts
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
