whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she told me i tasted like america
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
