oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
MIDGETS
????
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
