I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
