I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
