dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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