hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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