I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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