your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
