I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i need some magic done to my vagina
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
