We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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