so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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