Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
