just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
