i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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