He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
