shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
