Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
