Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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