no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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