Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
