I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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