Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
