i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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