i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
