When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
