There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
