i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
