Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
