Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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