yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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