he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
