you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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