im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
