Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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