I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
