i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
