My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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