They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
