So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
