Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
