i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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