Im at strip club and am horny
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize