Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
