He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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