walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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