i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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