We're facebook friends in real life
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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