HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
