we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
