Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
