i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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