And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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