3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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