her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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