Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
