dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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