remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
