i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize