is your mom at the bar?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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