Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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