I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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