so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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