No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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