Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
