I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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