anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
